In this episode of Pursuing A Balanced Life, I share another update on my pursuit of a balanced life.
Cliff, thanks for sharing what you're going through. I heard you mention your father briefly on FFTH, and was interested in hearing what you're going through.
I can relate. Let's just say I had some... well, resentments with my father. Desperately wanting some type of deep emotional connection. My father worked so much when I was growing up, it was my mother who taught me a lot of the things a father typically does; e.g. throwing a baseball, building a tree house.
You mentioned trying to stay 'emotionally unattached', something that makes sense logically, but as we know the longest distance in the world is the 12 inches between our head and our heart.
People often say 'family is everything.' And although family is important, we have a right to include people in our lives that bring value. Although I wanted this deep connection with my father, I finally accepted that he was not going to change, it was up to me to learn my fathers love language.
It was up to me to accept the relationship for what it was, and be OK with that. That took a lot of work on myself more than anything else. But luckily I had the opportunity to accomplish that in time.
In 2010 my father passed away suddenly. I'd accepted the way he was, which didn't mean I had to like it. :-) But thank God I had a chance to deal with my 'father' issues and reach this place of acceptance before he passed.
As for wanting to 'want to be present', that's something I still work on myself. Meditation has helped me with this a lot. OH, and a lot of therapy and 12 step programs! LOL
"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future."
- Fulton Oursler
You are a provider, a teacher, and committed to making the world a better place. For yourself, others, and most importantly your family. It's normal to get in a funk, I still do... and sometimes it's a pretty deep gloom, as in "what's all this for or matter anyway?"
That's when I share the feelings with my wife, look in her eyes, and remind myself this could all be gone in the blink of an eye. Sometimes I take action like writing a gratitude list, maybe a little more prayer (which for me always means hitting my knees as it's an action of humility and surrender).
The most important thing is to feel all of these emotions. And accept we're NOT our emotions. They're neither right or wrong, just feel them and this too shall pass.
OK, I apologize for this extremely long comment as I know you're really busy. :-)
One last thought, one interesting theory I'm exploring is "raising our idling speed." In that as emotional creatures, our minds tend to attach more significance to moments that are charged either high or low on our emotional scale. Yet the majority of life happens in moments which some would consider boring. (neither high or low emotionally). The goal is to learn to raise our idling speed in these moments from boredom (and resisting the urge to fill them with work or other tasks) to experiencing relative contentment and happiness.