When I look at where I am in my journey today and see all the steps that brought me to this place, it is impossible to miss the fact that I am not here by mere chance.
I would like to tell you that, because of what I have witnessed in my life, I am a man of devout faith who puts his complete trust in God. However, this is not fully true.
It amazes me that, after all I've seen and experienced these past few years, that I still feel an overwhelming need to control my future. Let me give you an example of what I mean.
You see, I pay myself once a month. As I am writing this, it is Wednesday, June 15th, 2011. On the first wednesday in July, I will calculate at all the income that my business has generated from June 1st to June 30th. I will sit down and pay all the bills related to running my business. It is my goal, that once the bills for the business are all paid, that I will have enough left over to pay myself a modest income as well as cover the expenses of the taxes that my business must match.
For the past two years, this goal has been met each and every month, without fail. However, in 2008, when I first launched into podcasting, as my full-time career, this was not the case.
What is amazing to me is that even during a year when we had so much financial trouble and hardship, our every need was met. There was always a way when there seemed to be no way. Doors opened, opportunities came along, and in the end, it all just worked out.
I remember the anxiety that I would feel when I would be sitting here, on the 15th of any given month and wonder to myself, how am I going to pay the bills? Somehow, by the end of that month, there was just enough to meet all the needs.
Today, after several years of experiencing God's plan unfold before me, and I am blown away by just how much I still lack trust in His ability to provide for my every need.
You see, it's the 15th of June and if my business didn't earn another penny between now and the end of this month, I would have enough to meet my goal, on the 1st Wednesday in July, to pay all my business expenses and to pay myself my normal monthly paycheck. This is mostly do to the principles of not spending all that I earn and putting money aside for reinvesting in my business.
However, while I already know, with full certainty, that my paycheck for July is 100% covered, I have full confidence that I will generate enough income, over the next fifteen days, to cover my paycheck for my August due to my third Podcasting A to Z online training course that will begin on July 11th.
With the fact that my wife and I are debt-free, outside of our mortgage, and have a significant start on our “Emergency Fund” in our personal savings, I would think that I would praise God and not have any anxiety about the future.
Things really are unbelievably great right now. I've got plans to take my family on an “expenses paid” trip to Disney and then another weekend getaway in the Smokey Mountains that will cost us little to nothing. Certainly no more cost than if we were at home that weekend.
Three years ago, I would like think that I would have been satisfied to know that I am in a place where my business is today, financially. However, here I sit on the 15th of June, 2011 and I find myself tempted to be anxious about where the money for my September paycheck is going to come from.
I still find myself having anxiety about things like anticipated, upcoming, medical and dental costs for our family. While I have made amazing leaps forward in planning more and more margin in my life, I find myself still “wanting to” work, work, and work some more to earn income in advance of these potential future needs.
However, some things have happened in the last thirty six hours that have been a solid reminder to me that God wants me to stop worrying and to have more trust in Him. These past two days have been an amazing reminder to me that God has a plan for me. That I am where I am today because He designed this place for me in my journey. I'm feeling an overwhelming call upon my heart to take time and ENJOY my life, where I am today. To spend more time giving thanks!
In episode 500 of Pursuing A Balanced Life, I talked a bit about these sort of things. I hope, in a future episode of this podcast, to share what has taken place in these past two days. It's nothing short of God's guiding hand, consistently opening up new opportunities and connecting me with other people who seem to be a part of the next few steps of my journey to move me forward in His plan for my life.
It's happened time and time again. I am going about my life and not seemingly doing anything special, but by simply following my heart and my passion, God continues to make all the pieces of the puzzle, known as my life, fit perfectly into place. While I know in my heart that having anxious thoughts are not a required part of the equation for my success, I still struggle with this in my mind.
It is my hope that I will remember this lesson and that for the rest of this day, this week, and this month, that I will be able to simply live and love more!
Psalm 121:1-2 (NIV) I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.